Sometimes, the despair just hits

Notes from Newton, MA

In this election I have done a lot. Like, a lot a lot. I canvassed in NH early in the season, then in Georgia later in the game. I wrote letters, I texted, I phone banked. Heck, I am writing this on the Tuesday afternoon of election day and I am still going to go do more.

One thing I had not done was despair. Nope. I was working too hard for despair.

After 2 hours of phone banking this morning, I needed to get out of the house. Thus, I put on my pink Chuck Taylors, threw on my UGA National Champions cap and headed out the door and turned right towards my polling place. As I walked past the dog park I started to breath really hard. I started to think about 2016. Then I started to sob.

Here I am, out in public walking up to Comm Ave, blubbering. I cried crossing the street, wailing that I can’t do another 4 years of him. I just can’t do it.

As I rounded on the library where I vote, I saw a woman with a Harris/Walz sign. I crossed the street and asked “Can I sit with you?” My plan was to just find a friendly face where I could collapse and someone would understand. She put her arm around me and I broke. Here I am, 50 years old, a mother of 3, wife, business owner, medical director at a vet practice, crying because this vote feels like a referendum on the personhood of women.

This angel of a woman told me what I often tell my children…don’t borrow despair before we have it…but she also just let me cry.

Then she introduced herself as Ruth, and she’s apparently the chair of the Ward 2 city Democratic group (you see where this is going right?) and we just talked about who my family is, what I do in the world, how I landed in Newton. Then she told me to go into the library where the polling is happening, grab a scrap of paper, and find out what ward I am in. Being a rule follower, I, of course, complied. Turns out, I am in her ward. She clapped her hands and started to get pretty excited. We exchanged information. Then, she needed to get going, and I grabbed her signs. Pretty soon, I was waving and hooting and hollering at passing by cars.

Then I was dancing. I might have turned on Queen Bey’s Freedom to get the vibe going.

Then our state rep joined me and I got to hear about her 30 years in the Massachusetts legislature. They got to hear how I was an Army Officer and a Peace Corps Volunteer. How I run a vet hospital 2 towns over.

After about an hour, I took my leave. I walked back up to Comm Ave waving my Harris Walz sign, getting and giving thumbs up signs to passing cars.

I was smiling. We are going to get through this. We are going to get through this together.

Ruth and I in front of the Newton Free Library. Photo by Michele Pfannenstiel

Today, Ruth fought for me. For my hope against despair.

May you always find a Ruth when you need one.